dpscheck | anon dare meme

[looking distinctly as though he would like to die, lord francel de haillenarte approaches alfeoux while clad in full gold saucer bunny gear — ears and all, though given that his hands are pressed rather defensively over his groin, one might be forgiven for thinking that he isn't wearing any undergarments over his stockings...]

E-Excuse me...

[looks francel up

looks francel down

...hands him a whiskey glass —]

I'll have another ale, please. And bring it more quickly than that other wench, will you?

N-No, I, er —

[francel lifts his hands in protest, leaving his tight black... briefs? do they count as briefs? ...exposed — then, of course, he regrets everything, and doesn't quite know where to put his hands.]

I am no Gold Saucer employee! I was simply... told to approach you.

Told?

[unimpressed, alfeoux leans back in his chair, quirking a perfectly arched brow in francel's direction. it has been many years since last he set foot in ishgard; he would not be able to tell the youngest son of house haillenarte from a common shrew.]

To approach me specifically?

N-No, er... anyone. So long as I was... dressed like this.

[with a sorrowful air, francel indicates his... outfit. his discomfort with the garments is palpable. his cloth rabbit ears seem to droop upon his head.]

Oh.

[unimpressed (and now thoroughly annoyed — how dare this not be about him!), alfeoux turns away and sips in vain at the drops lingering at the bottom of his glass. damn it. this is just his luck. so long as bunny boy is around, there isn't a waitress that's going to approach him and ask him if he needs a refill.]

I can see quite plainly that this isn't a situation of your choosing.

[gods, what is francel even supposed to say to that? trying (and failing) to muster a weak smile, francel indicates assent with a tilt of his head.]

No... no, it most certainly is not...

[setting his glass aside, alfeoux sighs and regards francel with a cold, calculating look. then, just as suddenly, he barks out an order, crisp and commanding as any coerthan knight-captain:]

Stand up straight!

Edited 2018-01-15 22:10 (UTC)

[jolting visibly, francel cannot help but do as he is told. his spine cracks audibly as he springs to attention.]

Ah — y-yes?!

If you're going to let yourself be forced into something like that, the least you can do is make it look good while it's on your frame.

[alfeoux doesn't get paid to dish out fashion advice, but like hell he's going to let someone who looks even a little bit like him go around thinking he's ugly.]

You see how the women wear it? Act as they do.

Edited 2018-01-15 22:32 (UTC)

As they do?

[the women of the gold saucer certainly tend to stand and move about in ways that accentuate their assets... assets that francel finds himself lacking. he stares uncomprehendingly at his flat chest.]

I-I think you are mistaken, my good man...

[undeterred, alfeoux clucks his tongue and scoffs impatiently.]

Oh, not like that. What I mean is, you must move with confidence, and with class. Remember: you're a salaried employee, not one of those two-gil tarts that "dance" for rusty coins in the backstreets of Ul'dah.

[he doesn't have a drink to mull over anyway, so alfeoux rises from his seat, placing his hands on francel's hips and pulling the boy into the position that the adventurer is illustrating for him.]

Don't cringe. It makes you look pathetic. When you stand, tilt your hips at an angle, like so.

[young lord francel is approximately three thousand kinds of scandalized. is this right? is this legal? in the eyes of the fury, is he still chaste?!]

I-I-I-I —

[he is blushing furious crimson...]

M-My hips were not made for this!

Aye, and your hips were not made for bearing children, neither. Now shut up and do as I tell you to.

[once he is done pulling francel's hips forward, his shoulders back, and his arms at confident angles, alfeoux steps back to survey the effect. good. now for movement.]

Now, if you're going to go around in those heels, then at least stand and walk with poise. Don't totter, as you did earlier. If you hesitate as you plant your foot upon the ground, you will not find your balance. The key is to believe that there is no possible way you could ever fall.

Edited 2018-01-15 22:46 (UTC)

[...francel continues to stare uncomprehendingly.]

B-But I might fall.

And no one should ever see it coming.

[work, bitch.]

Now, walk. From here to that pillar, and come back in five seconds. Any longer, and I will kill you.

[what in the seven hells has he gotten himself into...

confused, francel does as he is told, walking unhesitatingly toward the indicated pillar. he is there and back again in four seconds.]

...A-Are you going to kill me?

No. You made it back in time. And you did not fall. Do you see how easy it is when you try?

[this does not explain the disgusted expression on alfexoux's face. after a pause, he sighs and shakes his head.]

But you... you walk like a man!

[this is a problem now????]

...I am a man.

[DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT TO ME, GIRLY-BOY!!]

I have stood upon battlefields with women who fill out a pair of smalls better than you do. Now, watch carefully. I will demonstrate for you.

[elegantly lifting and knotting his voluminous robes so that francel can see alfeoux's shapely legs, alfeoux sighs and walks with catlike grace towards the pillar and back again.]

There, see? One foot in front of the other, with a continuous, sinuous sliding of the hips. That is how you ought to comport yourself.

[this doesn't seem to have anything to do with the bunny outfit anymore...]

[stunned by this display of elegant allure, francel gapes at alfeoux, appropriately admiring. he, too, seems to have forgotten what he is caught up in...]

Why, adventurer, that was amazing!

[damn straight it was]

Naturally. I am glad to see that you have been blessed with the good sense to appreciate good work.

[he gestures at the small stretch of floor that they have made their own.]

Now, you can do it if you try. Not half so elegantly as I, of course, but you can make an attempt.

I think I might fall...

[nevertheless, francel resolves to try it. he is not nearly as sure-footed as alfeoux, of course — alfeoux's quick steps have been honed over many years of dodging aoes — but he manages a passable catwalk, in the end.]

H-How was that?

That was acceptable.

[the confident smirk that seems to tug eternally upon the corners of alfeoux's lips speaks of at least some degree of pride, though...]

Congratulations. You are now marginally less hideous than you were before.

[this experience has given francel newfound confidence. he pumps one fist in front of him in triumph (he is, of course, not so exuberant and extroverted as to pump his fist in the air), smiling.]

I... I did it? Thank you, ser, truly! Fury's blessings upon you!

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alfeoux - 2018-01-15 23:12 (UTC) - Expand

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haillenarte - 2018-01-15 23:12 (UTC) - Expand